Zombie Apocalypse

Who doesn't want to be a badass?  Even the most hardcore, shredded marine fantasizes about ways he could save America in a more awesome bullet-fueled way. 

Look out, Al Qaeda.

Being the nerd that I am, I can only dream about earning such a status.  So I do just that:  dream.  I have been mentally preparing for the infamous Zombie Apocalypse ever since The Walking Dead premiered on AMC (great show, by the way).  This might seem weird and unusually morbid, but there are a good deal of books written on the subject of the undead, so I do feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one.  Keep in mind that I don't want zombies eating everyone, I just stick with the wisdom of Mark Twain:  "Zombies be comin', so you best look out."

I think he said that.

The key to winning any war is all about knowing your enemy (that may or may not be true, I just made that up).  Unfortunately, because we don't know what kind of zombie we're going to be dealing with, that leaves a bit of a pickle; I'm talking about 28 Days Later super fast variety or the standard moaning and limping type.  Either way, there are some standard do's and don't's when it comes to battling the undead.

DON'T

• ...lock yourself away somewhere, ie a bank vault.  Somebody had the bright idea that the Apocalypse could be waited out, but guess what?  THEY'RE THE FREAKING UNDEAD.  They wait you out.

• ...bring or wear anything noisy unless you will die without it.  In the Apocalypse, the world is dead quiet (I know you liked that pun), and your rolling backpack flipping over on the unkempt streets every three seconds will alert everything within a five mile radius.

I'm looking at you, Pippin.

• ...forget what makes you different from the enemy.  We are called to love one another, and we cannot, will not, must not abandon out brothers and sisters to the hoards of flesh eating monsters.  If we do, we are just zombies with an appetite for normal food.

DO

• ...know what to bring.  For example, you just saw on the news that Patient X has escaped and bitten two people, causing a pyramid scheme more deadly than any entrepreneur could ever hope for.  So what do you grab on your way out the door?  Don't worry if you can't think of anything--here's a list you can use.  Just make sure you don't forget a weapon that isn't too heavy and doesn't require reloading, because if you were thinking you could buy supplies...

• ...avoid populated areas (that ranges from cities to supermarkets) because, well, a couple reasons. a) There will be masses of folks trying to stock up on supplies in Costco as well as the local gun store.  In either one of these places, you'll encounter people violently trying to stay alive (the latter area will have violent and armed individuals), and death by normal people is just insulting. b)  Where do you think the Apocalypse will spread to first? Same place where bird flu and swine flu and pop culture spread.  You got it--major cities.  Just stay off the main roads, and you'll be alright.

I like to think I've watched enough Zombieland and played enough of the Black Ops zombie level to fare well, but in reality I'd probably only last a full twenty-four hours.  Oh well, at least I'm a badass in my own mind.



Stay colorful,
                      Meimei